Genesis 19:26 But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
When you're hurting and it seems like the world all around you is caving in. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember in the midst of going through a divorce there wasn't a second in that process that did not scar my heart somehow. It was hard to do normal everyday things let alone think of the future. I would hear sermons of reaching and fulfilling your dreams. It would anger me because every dream I thought I had for the future, had ended. I was living a life of dead dreams, lacking purpose in my life. My thinking, my daily living was rooted and stuck in dead dreams. I stopped dreaming and never asked God about my dead dreams.
It wasn't until I got tired of being stuck in that place, did I began to hear the Lord say to me "Deanna you never asked me what MY dreams are for you" What?! Mind blown! Abba helped me see that although my fleshy dreams for my life and family had died, that didn't mean God's dream for my life had died. As I listened and surrendered to what God wanted to do with and through my life, my vision began to shift. I began to see what He sees for me, that life with God (or Abba as I like to say) is a Grand Adventure! God wanted to confront the false belief system I was living underneath, that because my dreams had failed life was not worth living. I could have found the easy way out. There were temptations to enter a quick relationship as opportunities presented themselves. It seemed easier to find ways to drown my pain or just simply ignore God and stay busy. Trust me none of our avenues to escape pain works! However, there's something about taking the courage to walk through the healing process with God. No matter how long it takes. Saying yes to God always pays off. It may not feel like it, going through it, but it does.
I've been asked about my success. On the outside looking in, it doesn't make sense. How a sudden divorced, single mom starting with not enough money to feed her two daughters, obtain success in her business, release a worship album and travel as much as she does? God! I trusted and said yes to him. Even when it hurt. I trusted He had a better plan. There are trips I have taken with my girls I would never have thought possible. And when I sit in these beautiful places, sometimes I'll think, "man if I had ended my life when I wanted to, I would have missed out on all this!"
I will not lie. There are times I am tempted to look back at the dead things. Then I remember the story of Lot and his wife. They were instructed to leave their sinful land and not look back. Lots wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. I encourage you to stop looking back and yearning for the things that have been destroyed and removed from your life. Walk through the process of healing with Abba and enjoy the Grand Adventure with Him. There is so much life to live! There is so much God wants to do with and through you. There is so much of God to discover. My life is not what I planned it to be, but it's much grander than I thought it could ever be! And the adventures have not ended.